Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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