Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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