So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
