i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize