Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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