Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
