well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
