We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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