What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
