I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
