its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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