I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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