I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
