Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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