I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
