Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
