giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
