So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize