Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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