My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
