i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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