The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
