I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
