I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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