I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
