Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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