so explain again why im purple
no
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
