I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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