hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize