I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
