Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
