I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
