I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
