When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
