Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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