he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize