i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
