I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need help removing her.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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