Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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