There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize