This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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