Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
