Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
