Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
