32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
