I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
