I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
