Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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