Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I currently don't understand fingers.
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