That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
farters have to be the big spoon...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
