so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
