So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
