i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize