Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
