I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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