That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
