Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize