He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
