I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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