I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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