i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
