he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
