don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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