she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
