Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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