my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
