The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Are my feet made of real feet?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
